Mother nature can bite my cold ass

It seems that spring warming has begun. Most people welcome this, as it means less ice and clothing. Plants grow again, and students instinctively flock to the terrace. I like nice weather. The hotter the better. I would rather sweat that shiver. I must be this way, since I’ll be roasting alive in a dusty corner of Nebraska soon enough.

But this is Madison. Nice weather doesn’t happen with any certainty until late May. Until that time, the weather from day to day (and even minute to minute) is a crap shoot. But mostly crap. This really gets my underwear in a bunch. Just when I think I can bike to school in shorts and sandals, I am forced to once again bring out the parka and the Sorels. It’s not fair. I’ve been waiting patiently all winter. I haven’t complained (loudly). I’ve always said it could be worse, even if it really couldn’t.

Earlier this week nature teased us with one good day. Then the bottom dropped out. It was sunny, but frigid and windy. In successive days it has been progressively warming, but rainy. Today is sunny, but one wishes it were just a little bit warmer.

I know nice weather is relative. But nature mocks me.

What do Mike Tice and Jack Nicholson have in common?

Phurther Phun Phrom Photoshop

Can't see Cali w/o Marlon Brando's eyes

I see the pattern now. It is apparent to me. After performing the calculations, there is a 97% change the Joel P. is really Marlon Brando. Here's my evidence: Przblowski sounds like "probably is he" or "probability" or "Paul is really cool-ee". I believe that this is Kurtz's way of taunting the masses. Second, Brando played Superman's father, Jor-El. What happens when you take out one letter? JO-EL.

It must be quite a step down for Brando to lead the simple lifestyle of a grad student. One can only imagine how old Dr. Moreau came up with the idea to begin life anew as a cart/GIS guy who teaches 101. Speculation on my part leads me to believe that Don Vito Corleone was forced into a life of humility and seclusion by a monetary debt.

Local TA Alley hero counters rival blog for Fourth time today

The quest for the perfect blog

Well, here I am again, procrastinating. I really should be reading or writing or doing something which promotes the furthering of my dissertation. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to do that until the deadline is 5 minutes away. Since I tend to be a phase person, I fill my procrastination time with whatever activity I deem fashionable at the time. This week, it seems, the activity is blogging. If you are actually bored enough to read all of my previous blogs, you’ve noticed that they have ranged from naively philosophical to irritatingly unhumorous. This one will be the former.

So I’ve been thinking again: what would it take to make the perfect blog? There are many blog themes out there, from the professionally made slate.com, the satirical 412sciencehall.blogspot.com. There’s even a weather blog at weather.com. Seriously, what can a person write about the weather? “Dear diary, it rained today. Woodruff’s perfectly groomed man mane was ruined.”

In the quest for the perfect blog, there should be two criteria (attributes for you GIS techies). First, a standard must be created or at least conceived of to judge all other blogs by. This could be very difficult, and may well be out of the realm of human abilities. The ultimate blog will be so complex and intricate that it would require thousands of hours of computation time on the world’s most advanced supercomputers. This may be hard to fathom, since we’re talking about trillions of calculations…for the text alone. I like to compare the perfect blog to a recent attempt to create a an 8D object that stands as a root of the 57D object called E8, and its 248D symmetries. You can read the article here: http://www.nature.com/news/index.html.

Second, someone or something will need to pass judgment on blogs which are under consideration for perfection. Since these blogs will be so complex and minutely detailed, like a phytolith, they will undoubtedly require thousands of hours of study time. This would be the equivalent knowledge of receiving a PhD and two years of post-doctoral research. Thus, we may need to rely upon computers again. The world’s smartest people, such as T. Beauchaine, would be employed to check or “calibrate” the computer programs.

So are there any candidates for the perfect blog? None that I can see at the moment. Certainly not mine, as I’ve been nominated several times for the Razzie blog award. 412sciencehall is certainly on the right track, with their beautiful mix of graphics and text. However, that blog ultimately gets a thumbs-down for fronting an onion.com-esque theme of satirical reporting. There have been rumors floating that the Science Hall ghost has a blog. Of course, it has thus far eluded searchers. With over one hundred years of blogging time and a plethora of grad student stories to write about, the Science Hall ghost undoubtedly would be a front-runner for the perfect blog.

Louie the cat displays indifference to affection

Apparently Louie the cat routinely displays a general ambivalent attitude to owner K.L. Kohorst. Said Kohorst, "the only time that fatty pays attention to me is at feeding time. Then he won't shut up. It's all about him. It's supposed to be about me."

In an attempt at reverse pshychology, Kohorst was seen ignoring Louie (see image). This was a measure in futility, as Kohorst could not resist showering the morbidly obese and abnormally lazy cat with affection, thus reinforcing Louie's supremacy of the apartment.

Researchers later documented Louie sleeping a record 32 hours, rising only every 8 hours to sleep-eat.